Thursday, December 16, 2004Y
3 cheers for my dad ...
haha ... wonder y is my title like tat ba ... anw , jus wanna tok abt my phone first ... it's spoilt ... totally ... haiz ... all my msg n photo gone ... y ... someone pls tell me ... ya , n i oso tot my dad will scold me ... cos tis phone is so brand new lor ... haiz again ... but in the end , he jus say i careless onli ... den din say much ... somemor he pay for my spiderman 2 DVD n converse sneakers ... thanks dad ... love ya ... but he tell me somethin which make me unhappy today ... he says my mum always complain to him or even a bit like scold him cos she say i always talkin on phone at late nite ... got meh ... onli last time she saw once i talk with iris onli ... wat the ... say my dad pamper me too much ... she think wat ... my dad dun need to treat me the same way she treat me lor ... feel so angry ... but wat can i do ... basically nothin ... haiz ...
nowadays , jus feel like rottin at hm n not going sch ... lessons r boring , hw r stress ... so going out for activity is best , with my mum not controllin me ... but kinda impossible ... anw , he reali din call last nite ... den msg me at midnite tell me not to b angry ... wat can i say ... i feel so numb le lor ... he did tat so many times le ... tell me not to sad ... den jus finish talkin phone with him a while , he still so bad , laugh abt my hp , den say i careless , like lecture me like tat ... i dun need tat lor ... if u wan to say all these , i prefer u not callin ... i feel so wat with u these few days ... dunno wat words to put ... u ask me when can we meet , i say one month , mayb u tot i am jokin , but somehow i mean it ... dunno y ... is not the feelings gone , is jus tat i feel tired .. mayb i cant feel the care frm u ... mayb the words u say i think is jus made up ... mayb when u see me , u give me hugs n kisses is jus becos u need it ... i dunno ... somehow , i feel a bit distance frm u le ... i dun wish to feel tis way , but sorry ... for tis moment , i wun break with u , cos i still like u alot , but mayb i need some time to cool down ... sometimes , i hope u try to understand wat i feel , but most of the time , u fail ... for me , listenin to ur voice , seein u is the most happy things ... most contented tat kind ... whenever i am feelin sad or down or wat , somethin to do with u i will smile n b mor happy ... but r u like tat ... i reali dunno ... i say i wanna trust u ... but can i ? love reali hurts ... everytime u say u wan to see me , is it becos u jus wan to b with me , or u wan somethin out frm me ... i reali dunno ... i feel so confused ... mayb i shuldn't b thinkin too much ... mayb u reali love me deep down frm ur heart ... i reali wish tis is the case ... but u give me the feelin tat , it's anythin one ... if i say break those things , he will jus carry on , like no pain like tat ... haiz ... u jus now say wan to say alot of things to me , but u prefer talkin in person , i say u jus tell me now , u still prefer not ... i wonder will u remember wat u gonna say , n wat r those u wan to say ... honest speakin , i jus feel very insecure ... n jus now on the phone , i reali almost feel like shoutin at u , or quarrel with u ... jus tat i cant bring myself to do tat , cos i dun wan to lose u ... i try to put my real feelin deep down my heart where u cant even find it ... yday , jun told me abt damian ... she say he jus come up to their group n ask where am i ... n when they say i din came , he jus walk off , without sayin any hi to them like tat ... n jun feel like killin him ... n got someone ask jun , they tot me n damian over so long le , y he still ask abt me ... i oso wonder myself ... mayb he wan to give me my chocolates ... or he jus wan to chat a bit with me , like catchin up ... cos last tiem on MSN he oso got tok to me first like tat ... den today , i think of the gd times in sec 2 ... even though me din end up with him , but at least , he make me feel secure all these ... he never fail to stay by my side when i am down ... den wat abt u ... when on the phone , i wan to tell u my prob , u jus keep on talkin abt ur own stuff ... n some stuff i dun even understand ... i try to listen , but u noe , it's tired ... esp when i feel down ... den in the end , when u finish ur tok , u say u have to put down phone cos either u r drivin off , or u r going to enter malaysia ... sometimes , i hope u can give me surprises , but still no ... i tell myself not to expect too much frm u ... haiz ... carry on sayin will jus make me think of the past ... n i dun like comparin u with other ppl , cos i noe is unfair ... n oso everybody is different in their own ways ... u say u r going to call later ... u better do , or else , dun blame me for not wantin to see u mor ...
k la ... dun complain abt u le ... i dun wan to do tat too ... jus let me say out my feelin on the blog ... cos continue like tat , i will burst one day ... n oso , i feel tat i a bit further away frm jun le ... mayb we r both busy with our own things ... now , we seldom tok on phone le ... sad huh ... so i now cant complain my things to her le ... ris n qi ah , sometimes i will tell them a little lor , but u noe , onli jun reali somehow understand wat i reali think sometimes ... mayb way of thinkin the same ba ... cos train by strict dad n mum ... haha ... hao la ... gotta end , need to touch up on my board ...
8:21 PM
