Monday, December 20, 2004Y
lonely ... with tears washin my face ...
haiz ... i think i reali siao these few days la ... yday is my breakin down day ... been cryin the whole nite ... at first , i reply him tat i reali dunno wat i am feelin , den he say he will call me later ... but den tat msg is at 8 plus lor ... i wait until 11 plus oso dun have his call ... so i jus msg him , tell him i am tired , den oso add tat i am tired of waitin for his call oso ... den after 20 mins like tat , he jus msg back 'ok. gd nite.' ... wah ... my heart reali breaks tat time , is like he sounds angry n dun even care abt me ... i msg like tat means askin him to call fast , den he jus give me tis kind of ans ... my tears jus flow n flow , non-stoppin like tat ... feel like i been cryin alot tis month ... every bad things come so fast ... first , my mum . den my modules , still got my skin , is gettin worse these few days ... den i oso feel like i driftin away frm my friends ... den oso him ... i reali feel very tired ... i sometimes dunno y am i still livin ... dec seems such a bad month for me ... i wonder will i survive through to 2005 ... den when yday i cry , feel like talkin to someone , but jus dunno who ... feel like tellin jun , but scared bother her , cos noe tat she is doin her hw ... so i am cryin alone ... suddenly very afraid of nite time , is like when nite time reach , i will somehow feel very lonely ... like today in studio , the opp is so happenin , n my area , onli me alone , sittin down there doing nothin ... heart hurts n breaks at the same time ... den ard at 12 am , den he got msg , say scared he call we will quarrel , but he still love n miss me ... haiz ... at tat time, i feel a little bit glad , but den it's onli for a while ... cos i reply him tellin him i oso dunno wat i am feelin , jus noe tat my heart hurts alot , n oso tell him tat i feel so alone ... i reply him at 12.08 like tat , den i wait n wait , still no reply ... so the tears start to flow again ... n i am reali tired le ... so in the end go slp ... with the whole pillow wet ... but when i woke up today , he actually got call , but is at 1 am ... woah ... wat took him so long ... thinkin muz call me anot is it ... haiz ... den today mornin sms me say wan to tok to me , if i havin break den msg him ... so i did lor ... he call n ask me how i feelin le , got any better ma ... i tell him still ok lor ... haiz ... den he call in the evenin again , but i din pick up , in the end got to call back him later ... tok nothin much ... think i reali need some time to cool down ... he say wan to meet me tomoro mornin b4 i go sch ... i oso dunno la ... see first lor ... haiz , wonder if he dun call again later , i will have to slp on wet pillow today again ... jun say i reali can tolerate him ... somemor yday when he coldly reply me , i still can tell him to take care n rest well ... haha ... i oso think i too pro ... k la , got to do kk work le ... see ya ...
10:35 PM
