Monday, January 31, 2005Y
thanks n i love u ...
jus a short one , cos i still got project to do ... but still wanna write , cos i am feelin damn stress ... my P1 poster still haven print ... ah ... all becos tat photo takin is so long , den the stupid photoshop n the stupid me ... i reali cannot use sch com , always give me prob one ... like today , i wan to edit somethin , in the end , everythin turns out wrong ... den i dun have the time to redo the whole thing , cos first , the plotter room close at 6 , den the bugis one close at 7 ... den in teh end , i jus anyhow finish my poster , which i think is so pathetic ... i see kai xin one so nice ... den when i wan to save , got prob in savin ... the com is like laggin like tat ... onli to found out tat my file is actually so big n i dunno y ... is like kai xin one onli 3.5 MB den mine is like 350 MB ... 100 times lor ... den took almost 1 hr plus to finally save my thing ... by tat time already 7 plus ... so the plotter room is closed , even if we rush to bugis oso closed ... feelin so damn stress ... i almost cry in the cab lab , n oso like feelin to kill anyone tat disturb me ... f*** ... sorry for scoldin tis , but i reali very fed up with it ... tomoro will b the deadline , have to finish b4 9am ... i scared my file too big takes very long to print ... hope hassen wun tell me my one cannot print , i will reali die one ... ah ... but today he reali very gd to me lor ... in afternoon he call me , den later msg me , somemor still say he cuttin jay concert news for me ... so sweet ... haha ... den at nite , he say wan to meet me , but ask me will it b too rush , cos if too rush he can meet on wed one ... den he say he wan my project to b as perfect as me ... think he eat too much honey again ... haha ... den i tell him i very stress all these ... i say until like going to cry le ... den he msg me tell me to stay happy , he will call at nite , if i still sad , he will sing jay song for me ... ask me wan to listen ma ... den i say i wan , he say ok , den he go practice mor den sing for me later at nite ... somemor say he heartpain to see me being so stress ... he still say if i not happy n wan to see me , he will come down find me de ... say will oso buy a present to make me mor happy ... cos he added he reali love me ... n he noe i did too ... hee ... thanks dear , jus now will b even mor stress if u din msg me ... even though jus now i cant reali feel the every sweetness cos i am damn freakin out there , but i noe u reali do care abt me ... n i reali very touched tat u go n learnt jay song for me ... i noe it's not tat easy ... haha ... when i heard tat u say u still not very gd cos jus learnt , i reali very happy le ... even if today u sing until very lousy , i will still b very touched de ... i hope all these r true n not lies ... not things u tryin to do cos u did somethin wrong or wat ... n not like u wan some things out frm me like tat ... hope is all reali like wat u say u reali love me n all these ... thanks again ... hope everyone will find their xin fu ...
anw , thanks kk too ... i never see such a great lecturer ... nayb perry oso quite gd la ... but u reali very gd to me n kai xin , even though we always slack for ur class ... thanks for the pineapple tarts today , so gd ... u noe we r hungry waitin pathetically outside the lightin room , so u give it to us ... n is like u give us the whole container ... n when u see us still waitin outside , u ask the ppl inside to do faster ... reali thanks man ... hope tomoro i will not let u down ... i will try my best to calm down during presentation , n oso my poster will b ready ... den will make u proud ...
woah ... i think i type very fast today ... normally so long i need 1 hr like tat , but today onli 20 mins ... haha ... k la , go do my things le ... wish me all the best first for tomoro ... ganbatte ... jia you le ... n i can finish my poster on time de ... see ya ...
10:23 PM
Saturday, January 29, 2005Y
actually nothin much oso ...
haiz ... jus feel sian , oso long time never write le , so come update a while ... hee ... got some things wan to tell some ppl ... so i think i will write here ...
mel : hee , too bad last time when they celebrate ur bday , i not there ... cos at hm doin P1 ... jus feel glad tat everythin seems better for u le ... u n him oso like very gd le ... so very happy for u ... keep on wantin to buy a present for u , but no time to shop ... haha ... hope to giv u when sch reopen tat week ... anw , do jia you together in our studies ...
kai xin : noe u unable to read tis , but still write ... noe we 2 r very stress now , n i very glad u same class with me , so tat we can slack or work hard together ... haha ... we muz not let kk disappointed ok , even though i thnk i did ... seein others model make me think tat mine r jus nothin ... haiz ... anw , urs reali improve alot , no wonder kk say not bad ...
qi : long time never tok le ... noe u r feelin stress cos can see , but wan u to noe tat if u wan to tok , can call me one ... even though i might not noe anythin abt jc stuff , but u can tok , i can listen ... hee ...
ris : think u still hate ur sch , but hey , no matter wat muz hang on ... cos i noe u can do it one ... if u r free , jus call me , esp at nite , cos i got free incomin ma ... haha ... wan to noe mor abt u ... n still wonderin have u forgotten him , if haven , it's ok , cos i noe is hard , but jus keep on tryin ...
grace : promise u will call me ... haha ... think u oso very busy with ur sch life ... but jus dun fall sick can le ... take care ...
tok : em , last time heard u cant reali understand ur chem , em ... mayb try thinkin of 4B will help ... haha ... anw , do catch up often ... last thurs meet u oso din tok much ...
chyi yeu : em , write tis becos read ur entry of ur blog ... em ... mayb u reali do care abt us ... em , all i can say is jus try to meet us if u can ... n u reali have a very gd bf ba , think u r feelin so xin fu ... muz continue to b like tat ok ...
bo hui , yi xin n xinyi : haha , sorry i din write a personal one for u all , but i noe jc life do stress a little , but muz keep on runnin , ok ... bo hui , hope to see u sooc , cos last thurs din see u ... xinyi , very happy to see u on thurs , though we din tok much , but still happy ... next time we play pool together ok ... hee ...
jing : em , think poly oso very stress ba , tis i understand , cos i personally feel it ... haha ... but jus bear with it , will b holiday for u soon ... got chance , come tp again with qi or ris they all ... haha ... or i can go sp even though i noe i sure lost one ... haha ...
nes : how's u n ur xin fu ... haha ... last time u told me happy in love ... r u now ? hee ... hope so ba ... din see u on thurs , hope to see u soon ok ... miss ya ...
jun : once again , mayb the longest for u , think i will get killed ... who tell u to these few days happen so many things ... all i wan to say is , dun listen to wat others say , follow ur heart , cos i noe u r someone i think can make a rite decision ... honest speakin , i noe how u feel n almost everythin , ya , n i agree he is sweet , esp the poem , but em , may give urself mor time ba ... but not too long oso ... cos guys r not tat patient ... mayb u might say den tis kind of guy i oso dun wan le , but the truth is almost all guys r like tat ... is like when they noe u a bit like them or wat , they will still woo u , but after a while , if u still din give an ans , they will give up cos they will think u dun like them le ... n dun regret by tat time ... is diff case of a guy like a girl who totally dun like him for very long , cos tis guy wan to prove tat he can touch the girl , so he dun mind wasting his time for tat girl ... so try to find an ans fast , not as late as jun ba , cos after tat , i think it will b too late le ... n i dun wan u to regret after tat ... cos like i told u b4 , regret is painful too ... one day , b4 u slp , try to think deep n hard ... noe him mor by going out with him ... see his little actions , tok to him mor topics ... den sit down again to think whether u can trust him anot ... u will definately have an ans comin out one ... dun keep on stayin confused ... love is somethin tat carries alot of risks , but oso somethin tat will create another form of happiness ... jus dun get too influenced by others ... cos diff ppl diff thinkin ... so wat i say u can oso jus take as a comment if u find it not very true ... like wat i say earlier , is u findin a bf , not us ... haha ...
dear dear : haha , dun feel like typin ur name , so write tis instead ... noe u wun read tis , but jus write to express my feelin ... 4 months le ... time reali flies ... i feel like we jus got together not too long ago ... u ask me wat i think abt our future today on ur car ... u ask me whether i think we have a future together ... so sorry i say no ... i noe when u heard it , u muz b thinkin huh like tat ... but u noe , my mum ... so u tell me , ok , let's jus not plan anythin ... we take one step at a time , cos like wat u say , wat we plan always dun turn out to b like tat one ... haha ... sorry last few weeks i get so emotional ... like today wat u say i a bit hai zhi qi ... i agree ... cos i still young wat ... haha ... but these few days , u try to show mor concern , mayb u reali dun wan me to b sad ba ... i hope wat u say to me today is all true n frm the bottom of ur heart ... i reali hope to b in ur hug forever , cos at tat moment , i reali feel very peaceful ... like today , i almost reali slp in ur hug ... mayb i am too tired ba ... but is reali very calmin ... i wan u to noe i reali luv u n will keep on doin so ... n one day i will cook for u one , so dun worry ... haha ... miss u so much now , even though i jus see u today ... hope to grow up fast , n move out , n have my own life ... will my mum get angry , i dun wan to care at tat time le i think ... reali got fed up by her these few days ... dun say sad things le ... u noe , it's almost near a year since we last met ... cos i noe u on 5th of feb i think ... n when i first saw u , haha , everythin is not tat rite ... hee ... noe we will carry on till as long as possible rite ... n i hope i will make u feel happy or the happiest guy on earth ... em , mayb in singapore ... haha ... jus dun forget to giv me a kiss on my cheeks whenever i get the chance to see u ... n thanks for listenin to jay music for me ... i noe u r doin it for me , still tell me to burn jay cd for u ... n now u oso help me to look out for jay , n whenever u hear him on radio , u will try to tell me ... k la , think i write so much for u , u oso cant read ... haha ... but jus thanks tat u these few days try to make mor effort in payin mor attention on me ... even though i still think is not tat enough , but at least u tried ... haha ... muackz ... hope to see u on wed n hope u can come back frm KL to pei me for valentine's ... n tis will b the first time i got someone beside for valentine's day ... still remember i giv u gingerbread man last year ... haha ... n u so bad , throw away me n qi letters ... ("v")
k la , have to go draw some process work , cant slack anymor ... muz work hard ... hope next sem our group of friends will b in the same class for all subj ... hee ... i muz take care n recover soon ... feelin so xin ku ... n ya , thanks for ur today concern when i told u my stomach not feelin well , tis is the first time i tell u tis type of thing ... haha ... feel a bit strange ... n not forgettin jun's milo ... thanks too ... do help a little ... hee ...
9:14 PM
Thursday, January 20, 2005Y
sick again ...
haha ... i fall sick again ... but now i am writin , i feel better le , after eatin those horrible medicine tat the doc gives ... hee ... but i think he reali let me down these few days ... on sun , when i got back frm malaysia , i call him , den he never pick up , so i guess he is busy ... den after a while he call back , n the first thing tat come out frm his mouth is 'wat' ... huh ... so bad rite ... say i never initate to call him , den i did , n he say wat ... nvm ... den he say he mon will call me but he never did ... den on tues ... he call in the noon ... n he found out i am sick ... den he say after his work he will call me de ... in the end , no again ... is like i slp at 9 , cos of the effect of medicine , den i woke up at 12am n check the hp , he din call ... den nvm ... he yday call in the mornin when i am takin bus to sch , n i ask y he din call , he tell me he tired , n add tat he off work at 9 plus , den go eat with kaiting n hui xian ... hello ... u say u tired , but u can go n eat with other girls n no energy to call me ... r u a jerk ... somemor i am sick lor ... one sms will do oso ... u din even ask how i feel le ... think u dun care much ba ... still tell me hui xian got long story ... so u can sit down there n listen to her long story n u cant even take out one min to call me ... wat am i to u ... ur friend or girlfriend ... think i am jus a normal friend ... almost cry on bus again ... is like u dun seem to care abt me these few days ... feel hurt is the word to say ... den u call again yday after ur work , den i so call say u a bit ... but den u never giv me any reason , jus tell me dun like tat ... he say i like tat he very sian ... so now wat ... in the end , he still din ask me how i feel le , like he forgot i am sick or wat ... dun wan to care le ... mayb he today will pei me go art friend n mayb not ... depends on him ... n he still din msg me ... wat the ... fine , i muz cool down ... IAD project is makin me stress , my mum too ... she yday once come hm , scold me ... sayi keep on watchin tv never plan my time well ... hello , i jus on the tv for like few mins n u jus came hm n u think i on for very long ... so i was angry with her la ... so when she tok to me , i jus barely reply her ... den later she ask me to go her room n tok ... i wan to do my things lor , n i hate tokin to her one ... so i jus go in , givin those being forced face ... den she say i dun wna tok with her is it ... ask me wat's my spiritual target ... go n die la ... i jus wan to concentrate on my P1 ... cos i noe david baptize sure got an impact on her ... n now she is thinkin i am progessin too slow ... i feel very stress ok ... dun add another stone to me ... feel like dyin ... y i cant die frm tis sickness ... wat's the use of livin when i am not livin for myself n for her ... i might as well jus end my life ... den when i went out of the room , den wan to go back again n ask her somethin , she is in the room cryin ... i think the one shuld cry is me lor ... mayb she think tat she din teach me well enough , is like i am further away ... ya , i agree ... n u noe y ... is becos of ur stupid attitude towards the family members ... i always envy iris , kai xin family , even da jie oso ... is like they r all very close to their mums lor ... like their mum is their friends like tat ... mine can never b ... i noe all family got their own prob ... but den my tat thing always say , u will have a happy family if u believe in it ... i doubt it now , is like they never , but can see they still quite happy too ... so i dun trust tat anymor ... n stop all ur cryin ... cos dun make me feel guilty ... n i tell u , i wun now ... my heart now become mor n mor cold le ... is like anythin tat happen to me , last time i will quickly msg my friends all these , but now i jus keep it to all myself , bear it all myself , unless mayb i see face to face den i might say some ... haiz ... think i am livin in the world of darkness ... feel so helpless ... n i dun wan to cry anymor ... k la , got to do my P1 , n my talk , or else kanna k by her later ...
12:19 PM
Thursday, January 13, 2005Y
busy n stress ...
finally i am back ... haha ... i think everyone is busy , like qi n ris haven update their blog since 2nd of jan ... hello ... wat happen ... haha ... i am busy , with my IAd project 1 ... now i noe y is 7 credits unit le , is reali so stress n damn busy ... like u cannot even rest a weekend ... haha ... i reali very long never online le ... haiz ... tomoro going malaysia le ... going to see MH again le ... y ... haiz ... dun wan to see him ... sick of seein him ... n i will b so damn busy when i am back ... is like today i never reali touch on my model ... i onli draw the plan , den cut a few pieces out onli ... tat's all ... wonderin shuld i do later ma ... but very tired ... tomoro still mus wake up early again ... nvm , i muz jia you ... yeah ... anw , me n him now a bit better le ... yday we went to watch national treasure at causeway ... nice show , tis time manage to watch the movie , not like last time the polar express ... hee ... but yday the conema onli got 6 person watchin includin us ... i tot there will b no one at first , cos the movie quite long le ... but it's still very nice ... but yday i actually dun reali feel liek meetin him one , n is the fisrt time , i see him i din smile n i reali almost cry in front of him yday ... he say i keep on givin him tat sian sian look ... haha ... i think i reali did ... n oso , i once again , lost my bracelet ... tis time is not the whole thing but the pandent ... did i spell correctly , i dun think so ... haha ... nvm , i dun care ... hee ... sob sob anw ... he say he will buy one for me , but i dun believe lor , he still owe me my christmas gift ... hee ... nvm la , used to liao ... still say wat i drink his coffee he will giv me things , lucky i not so stupid to believe him ... haha ... jus hope me n him will jus get better like last time ba ... today on bus think of the time i went back to work during oct , when me n him already together ... tat time was so funny ... haha ... nvm la , it's the past le ... i think i cant write long ... need to pack my things n go my model ... stress ... haha ... i am havin backache whenever i do the model ... write somethin for my friends ...
qi , tok , xin yi , yixin , bo hui n jie(grace) : think jc life is very stress n busy too ... but hold on , we will meet up soon ...
jing n agnes : haha ... i understand how poly can sucks sometimes , but hey we r going to have our one week holiday soon , mayb for u all is 3 weeks time ... or 2 weeks , i oso not very sure ... hee ... n jing , my life now is reali like art time , the different is tat is not u all ard me ... haha ... miss those days somehow actually too ...
ris : noe these few days r hard for u , but still the same , muz hold on ... anythin can jus giv me a call anytime ... i will try my best to listen to u ...
jun : think will write the longest for u ... i noe u scared of fallin ... mayb partially is becos of mi n ris ... i reali hope we dun affect u ... like wat i leave in ur tag , everythin will b different ... mayb u jus need to adjust ur thinkin in ur heart n mayb everythin will work out ... but of cos , tis kind of thing can b rush , n oso i still dunno how he is like ... but frm wat u say , think he is quite gentleman n tat's gd ... ya ya , onli fools rush in , so am i one too ... haha ... let nature take the course ... i believe if he's reali the one for u now or mayb till the future , den u 2 will definately end up together ... hope to catch up sometimes , is like we both very busy , cant even call u ... haha ... take care ba ...
n i will end like tat la ... miss everyone ... n him too ... hee ...
11:52 PM
Friday, January 07, 2005Y
nothin ... jus hurt ...
he break my heart once again ... reali feel like givin up ... had enough , wan no mor heart pain , no mor waitin , no mor tiredness , no mor sadness , i wna everythin no mor ... y had u got to treat me tis way ... i feel liek i am the one givin in everythin ... tell me not to b angry , but how ... tat's wat u will always say onli ... but had u reali try to feel wat i am feelin ... i reali love u alot lor ... n yet u r breakin my heart alot too lor ... today sittin on the bus , after aileen got down , my tears jus fall n fall , but i try to control , cos i dun have tissue with me ... onli left one pathetic piece ... is like u say u wan meet me today , den hestitate ... it's ok ... den mornin u msg me , tell me u wake up all these ... den afternoon say u will come down find me ... den after i reply , u no ans back ... so i tot is ok ... mayb u will come find me or call me later ... i wait till 7 , still no news , so msg u , n guess wat , i waited like near 1 hr den i receive ur msg , n is the msg i most dun wan to see ... u say u r not meetin me le ... hey , i wait for u lor , n u tell me these ... n is so last min ... if u reali dun wna to meet me , den tell me earlier , so mayb i can go hm early to rest n slp ... u say meet twice a month ... do u reali mean it ... is seein me so tong ku for u ... u call n say u r sick ... tell me to msg u when i got back hm ... sick , excuse or wat ... is like alot of times like tat le , mayb u reali ah , but i jus dun understand us girls , y girls when they sick , they still will get out of their bed to meet their bf or wat ... den y guys wun ... y girls r always at the losing side ... y n y n y ... tears r abt to fall when i am typin tis ... den i jus msg u say mayb we reali shuld meet twice a month , n now u still no reply ... i dunno ... i reali feel so tired le ... i tell my friends i will wait till the 16th , but for now , i dun think i wanna wait ... now my mum came n disturb me , pls , i wan some peace now ... i feel like i am a failer ... jus check my tp mail , my teacher send mass email , but on the email write me n kai xin n one other guy name tell us to work mor harder ... like so wat lor ... i need to b strong ... jun say she wan to see the old me , but i dun reali think is possible now ... the xinying now is so weak , like going to collapse sooner or later ... i hate my mum , can she jus leave me alone ... ah ... i wonder how long can i stand all these ... it's quite late le , n yet i am typin tis ... tomoro still got mornin class again ... y i onli noe how to cry , y i onli can feel heartpain , y i onli can see darkness ard me ... nvm ... today i reali feel like starin into the air doin nothin ... i scared i lay on my bed , tears will jus roll again ... last mon meet him a while , but haha , it din reali turn up to b very well ... a bit angry with him ... today , u reali make me feel so disappointed ... i wan to see u so badly today n yet u cant make it last min ... wat am i to u anw ... becos if today i dun meet u , i think the next time i meet u will b half a month later ... next week 13th n 14th he going back , 15th n 16th i go malacca , den 18th i got test , so most likely cant meet on mon le ... n i oso dunno wat's his shift on tat week ... mayb all afternoon , den dun need to meet again la ... got any couple like tat ma ... can u tell me the truth anot , do u reali love me n do u reali miss me ... y cant i feel it nowadays ... i feel lije everythin u say is jus a lie ... u tell me u r busy , but at least a sms after work oso can ... but u din sms or call either ... aileen say tis which i find it so true ... everytime ur hp rings or beeps , u hope is a sms or a call frm him ... cos it will jus brighten ur day ... but u fail to brighten my days ... aileen they all say movin to another side of the studio is like we r all in a very bad curse ... n all got to do with love ... aileen break with her bf , n so did york , which is mor amazin cos he with tat girl for 2 years plus ... still got one mor person break , but forget who at the moment ... alan's relationship oso very unstable ... mine too ... mayb mel oso ... r we all in a curse ... haha ... i am not those mi xing ppl ... but mayb reali is true ... today stay in studio whole day , is like i no sch , oso go frm 9 to 8.30 like tat ... very siao rite ... k la , feel a bit tired le ... after all the tears flowin n makin model , feel like gonna die like tat ... hands so suan , tot mayb today meet him can ask him to help me at least massage a while , but now i got no one help me to ... so pathetic rite ... let's say no mor , tears will fall ...
倒带
我受够了等待你所谓的安排 说的未来到底多久才来
总是要来不及才知道我可爱 我想依赖而你却都不在
应该开心的地带 你给的全是空白 一个人假日发呆
找不到人陪我看海
我在幸福的门外 却一直都进不来 你累积给的伤害
我是真的很难释怀
终于看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白 最后才把话说开
哭着求我留下来 终于看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开 宁愿没出息求我别离开
你总是要我乖慢慢计划将来 我的眼泪却一直掉下来
过去怎么交代你该给的信赖 被你亲手缓缓推入悬崖
从我脸上的苍白 看到记忆慢下来
过去甜蜜在倒带 只是感觉已经不在
而我对你的期待 被你一次次摔坏 已经碎成太多块
要怎么拼凑跟重来
终于看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白 最后才把话说开
哭着求我留下来 终于看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开 宁愿没出息求我别离开
终于看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白 最后才把话说开
哭着求我留下来 终于看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开 宁愿没出息求我别离开
a song tat somehow describe my feelin ... mayb not the chrous (did i spell correctly ?) ... but i like the two parts b4 those chrous ... k la , he jus reply , say i not happy he din meet me rite ... sound as if i am a bad person ... nvm ... i dun care ...
12:34 AM
Saturday, January 01, 2005Y
new year resolution ...
haha ... it's finally 2005 ... yeah ... hope it will b a very fun year , n tis year i will turn 18 ... 18 , i can do alot of things ... i can buy alcohol drink without beggin anyone to buy for me ... i can watch M18 show ... n i hope to get mor freedom ... cos suppose to get my first key ... haha ... tok msg yday n say type out tis year resolution ... ok , let me think ...
1. i will still stay happily with him n not returnin to jun club ... haha ... n i try not to cry so much n b so emotion with him ... n i will still ("v") him alot n hope we can last long long ...
2. i hope i can score well for tis year , n the second half year might b stressful , but i will still work hard n get better grades ... no mor D for me ... at least all muz have a C ... hee ...
3. i hope i can go back to the past like 2 years ago with MH ... hope our friendship will not jus b like tat ... hope we can tok mor like last time ...
4. i hope i wun neglect my both groups of friends , sec n poly ... they r all so supportive for me ... n whenever i am down , their ears r always there ... i am so glad ... n i hope can b even better friends with them ...
5. noe the whole group of IAD ... till now , i still dun reali noe some of them ... n i think tat's bad ... haha ... tis one , effort muz b put in ...
6. help jun n the others to get out of the club ... haha ... esp jun , jus heard frm qi they all she met a new guy ... woah ... n he is tall n handsome ... happy for her u noe ... president muz go , so tat the club will b unstable n gone soon ... rite ...
7. able to buy watever i wan tis year ... like now i alreadi got tat wishlist plus some other things i need to get ...
i think tat's all for now ... haha ... qi they all call me twice yday nite , at midnite somemor ... first time is to wish me , second is to tell me the jun thing ... haha ... got chao xing , but hey , i still feel happy ... first prove tat they din forget abt me , second is tat our jun might meet his prince ... haha ... den soon , mayb can go double dating ... wun it b so fun ... haha ... i mean my best buddy has a new hope ... but tat reali depends on her , mayb she dun have the feelin for tat guy ... too bad i din get the chance to see him ... haiz ... haiz , mon muz pass up the marketin project , but i did nothin ... have to b busy later ... will update u soon ...
2:24 PM
