Saturday, November 12, 2005Y
it's abt to end , or it had alreadi had ...
haiz , long time no blog le ... start sch le , better blog now or else later no time too ... veri sian ... last few days jus do a manicure , but it starts to chip off a little now , haiz ... it's rasberry pink , my poly iris say very retro , haha ... deen spendin alot of money lately , no work still spend so much , haha ...
y is he everytime doin tis to me ... i reali feel veri tired le , i think our 1 year relationship is endin soon i guess ... no point carry on i think ... he's been so call bluffin me tis month ... last time say dun meet on sat , den when i back frm HK den meet on sun one whole day ... n the results is onli meet for 2 hr with 1 hr buyin present for other girl ... haha ... for my entire holiday , sept was still ok , at least got meet 2 time is like whole day tat kind ... oct leh , after 3 weeks den meet , but onli meet an hr plus ... den later when meet , all meet like 1 to 2 hr onli ... for the entire oct i onli meet him for abt 5 hrs onli ... is tis like a couple or wat ... i feel like i am jus someone tat when he's bored or wat den he wan to meet me jus for the sake to pass his time ... haha ... n today , i actually supposed to b out with him cos he tues still say somethin like reali long time never meet le , sat will meet me or else i runaway with other guys , but the outcome , i am stayin at hm typin tis ... haha ... he say he wan to go back KL to gamble cos he lost alot of money recently ... but too bad , he end up din go to KL oso cos he's sick ... i dunno wat to say ... i let him choose between going out with me or going back to KL , he choose the second ... at first i still tot of treatin him to movie or dinner if he's out with me , but i guess havin tis tot is so silly cos it will never happen ... ask me wan thurs go his JB hse anot cos i never been there , but if i reali going , i have to skip lesson once again ... ha , y shuld i rite ... u never skip anythin for me y shuld i skip my lesson jus to meet u ... tat time , u can oso skip the bday party n we could have time together but u din , den y shuld i now ... y shuld i everytime pei he ur time while u din even do tat for me ... my heart reali hurts jus now , i no mood to eat , it's like one bullet piercing through my heart ... i wish i can runaway with other guys too , to let u noe the impt of me , but haha , i cant find anyone now to replace u ... i have no mood to do my portfolio , but i will confirm try to have my mood back to do cos i wanna go for the oversea internship ... i wan to stay away frm u as far as possible ... u told me before not to go cos is so far away frm u ... haha , is there any different ... me now in singapore u oso never meet me all these , we never had a reali gd meet up since sept , it's going to b abt 2 months soon , haha ... i go oversea oso 2 months wat , so i guess it will not b a prob for u , u can have all the freedom u wan , without me pesterin u or wat ... ha , mayb now i will stop everythin oso le ... i give u too many chance alreadi , but yet u jus let go of it so many times ... i feel tired ok ... u r like so relax while i am the one with all the tears n sadness ... i think u never try to understand me deep enough ... sometimes , i hope to have the courage to tell u let's jus b freinds or i wanna a break up ... but , u noe , 1 year together will of cos bring some se bu de , but like wat jun n others say , i will not let the 1 year all these hold me back ... i wish i never noe u before ... i wish last time i shuld not request workin with qi , so i got tis stupid chance of meetin u n fallin in luv with u ... but nvm , it's abt to end anw , sometimes , i hope jun can help me scold him n see whether there is any help anot , but now , i guess it will not bring much help cos u r jus like heck care abt tis whole relationship ... tat week before i go HK , even though we had a little quarrel , but i noe it brought u closer to me , but it jus end tat week , after tat , u r back to the same again ... u say u luv me mor after the quarrel , i think is all bull shit ... u never meant it , or u meant it jus for tat week ... i guess , my rankin in ur heart is so low until i myself cannot find it n very unsure abt it ... i feel so insecure ... but i guess it's alrite for u rite ... u make me feel how stupid am i everytime , to believe wat u say ... but it jus never happen ... u break ur promise so many things tat i cant count ... u say u will help me glue back my heart , but u noe wat u did , u jus continue to break it into mor pieces ... haha ... i guess tat's it ... i dunno my heart to b scattered until no one can glue it back anymor ... frm today onward , wat happen to u or wat has nothin to do with me anymor le ... i think it's time to face the truth ... me n u r over very soon ... i dun like the idea of silent break ... jus let me find those courage these days n i will say it either on phone or through sms ... i wan to say in person , but i guess meetin u is so hard ... i am so stupid to waste all those money buyin paper actually wantin to do a scrap book for u for christmas gift ... those paper can all throw away alreadi ... lucky i never buy all , or else i will waste abt 100 bucks ... ha ...
let's not tok abt tat le ... being a little kepo abt ben affleck n jennifer garner news today , haha , dunno y ... but i think they quite pei when last time i see their movie daredevil , n they reali end up together ... haha ... k la , i reali need to go do my portfolio or else my chance of going to china will b lower , haha ...
3:40 PM
