Thursday, January 19, 2006Y
i have nothin to say ...
ha , jus kinda heard a very sad news , feel so betrayed n sad ... i dun tat i will let them come to think of me tis way ... now i somehow noe mayb there is other reason tat stops u frm going oversea with me ... mayb is not jus abt the objection all these , mayb is ur thiknin , or mayb other ppl influence u ... ha , wat i can onli say is u happy den gd lor ... u r never like tat in the past , i think is too much influnce frm the others ba ... nvm ... oso , i never wan to piss u off or wat , i ask u qn is becos i dunno n i am excited , mayb u r not tat excited as me , or mayb u will b excited if everyone gets to go , i dunno , n i dun wanna noe ... n another u , wat i heard reali hurts me , i reali almost cry in class ... but i tell myself it's ok , jus think watever u wan to think abt me ... i noe wat u feel when u never got wat u wan n i did , mayb u think tat i am not as gd as u n mayb i dun deserve tis chance , but wat can i do , is not within my control ... or u wan me to give up my chance so tat we can both b equal = both dun get the thing ... sorry if i keep on mentionin the thing u wan in front of u , but i did try to lesser down on the topic le , but sometimes reali no choice but have to say it wat ... it's the fact n cant b changed , we cant b hidin forever rite ... n i now closer to her is not because i wan to get somethin out frm anyone , i never like to get somethin out frm anyone cos i dun like ppl to do tat on me too ... any reason y onli me n her so close now , cos we seem like cant click in the group anymor ... den wat shuld i do , b alone meh ... i noe her is being not reali very treated in the group last time le , so of cos i can onli join her rite ... i remember last time when me n another her startin to get not so close anymor , which i dunno wat happen , i was tryin to get back to tat friendship back again , but it jus seem a bit like no hope le , which i dunno y either ... so i tell myself it's ok de , i can survive de , even though friends play a big part in my life cos i never get close with my family ... friends r like my family instead , i try to treat them as well as i could , hopin to bring no harm to them , mayb tis time i fail , tat's y i let u have the wrong thinkin abt me ... i never heard the whole story , i jus heard part of it onli ... nvm , part of it alreadi make me feel so hurt , i wonder if i noe the full story wat will i react ... sometimes , i hope u can b happy for us even though u din get the chance , i noe it's hard , but tat's wat friends do rite , b happy for someone , but frm tat day we noe the result onwards , things change n change very fast oso ... as a friend , i do feel sad for u , i oso wan to help u ask y u couldn't get the chance when ur results r even better than me ... but even if i ask , the lecturer will not ans me de ... even is is being ans , would u wan to noe the truth ... i always think tat even if there is a change in the friendship circle , our group will still stay , jus like change among us onli ... but now it's reali like seperate le ... somehow i can see u r headin for somethin different too , mayb all these happen to test our friendship , n frm wat i see now is jus lies everywhere like tat ... i still wan to b in tat fairy tale , i dun wan it to end so fast , but it seems like tis test reali shows wat's in all our mind ... mayb u dun like the feelin of defeated , losin out all these ... i understand , everyone is like tat de , i can say i am one oso , but as true gd friends , tis feelin will fade away after a while de , den later happy for ur friend ... if not happy , dun at least think tat u shuld b the one instead ... the world is not fair , jus try to have a positive thinkin u will find tat mayb tis happen for a reason , mayb i get to go is oso for a reason ... but i jus feel so sad to hear u say all these , even though i din hear frm ur mouth or wat ... nvm , i hope all these will end soon , mayb i shall jus shut my mouth till end of feb ... so mayb like tat u will not have any wrong thinkin abt me le ... but still , even though i noe abt tis , i will still treat u as one gd friend de , n i hope u will treat me as one too one day ...
4:28 PM
